Rhythms of Unplugging
When I handed over my phone a year ago to my then 12 year old and told him to change my social media passwords so I couldn’t get into those accounts for a year, I had no idea what to expect. I didn’t know if it would be a difficult thing to be cut off from the way so many folks share life, or if it would in fact feel refreshing. I had done some smaller social media fasts over the years—it was often the thing I’d give up every year for the 6 weeks of Lent, and those were always good experiences but I always found I missed it a lot and it truly felt like a challenge to sign out. So I wasn’t sure if this would feel like one long extended Lenten experience or something more refreshing. When I initially said I was going to be signing out for a year, I had SO many people reach out and tell me they were contemplating doing something similar but they were afraid of missing too much or they weren’t sure they could pull the plug but wanted to know my experience. I thought I’d share a bit today of what it was like, what I learned, and what I’m thinking about going forward.
The thing that surprised me the most was that I did not miss it at all for months. It wasn’t until this summer (9 months into this experiment) that I started having the inklings that maybe I did want to sign back in, and I suspect that had a lot to do with the fact that I truly missed seeing people’s vacation and travel photos! When I first signed out and it wasn’t an option any longer to even open the apps it was like this huge weight lifted, and I didn’t even know it was a weight that needed to be lifted. I found myself reading more, knitting more (well until we got the puppy, he thinks yarn is a perfect toy and I can’t knit when he’s around!), and enjoying the mental break. I will say it absolutely takes awhile to stop reaching for the phone. It’s automatic for most of us. We swipe it open to check the time or an email and our fingers automatically navigate to these apps that are like ruts in our brain for most of us and when those aren’t available to you anymore it leaves one feeling a bit twitchy for awhile! Like “what am I supposed to do with my hands now??” So there were a few weeks of this detoxing where I didn’t really miss it but it was clear my brain had some autopilot pathways engraved that needed to be undone.
And then the election happened. I have never in my life been more grateful to not be on social media as when this election went down. I shared in other posts on here last fall that I was really heartbroken by the results, but because I wasn’t marinating in other people’s anger and grief (or feelings of triumph and celebration) I feel like I stayed a little more emotionally level than I would have if I had been scrolling through all the commentary of people, both strangers and friends, who would have showed up in my feed. That’s probably the number 1 thing I learned this year—even if we think it doesn’t, social media and continually scrolling through all the thoughts and words of everyone else will impact our mental and emotional health. If something happens that causes you outrage, every time we reopen those apps we are sucked back into those emotions as we enter into everyone else’s feelings. I found without it, especially around the election, it was far easier to feel like I was processing things in a bit of a healthier way instead of just wallowing around in other people’s emotions. I was very sad, but I processed that with people in my life via one on one conversations and interactions, which felt far healthier for me personally. I am a person who, because I’m such a people pleaser and peacemaker, I can be easily influenced in various ways by other’s voices. I liked having the break from the onslaught of people’s opinions so I could develop and articulate the things I truly believe are valuable and important. I think a boundary I’m going to put in place going forward is when I know something big and divisive is coming (like another election season), that will be a good time to take a month off and just build in the rhythm of electing to opt out for a season when things get super heated. Clearly I survived without it for 12 months, taking a month off every few months feels like a good rhythm!
I found other ways to keep in touch that ended up meaning more to me than scrolling would have. I texted my cousins more, I called my aunts, and while it felt like my social circle got a little smaller I don’t know if that’s actually true. I think I had the illusion of a wider social network when I could scroll and like people’s posts and when I couldn’t do that any longer it really did distill down for me who are the people I wanted to be intentional with.
I also found myself putting my phone in do not disturb mode more than I think I ever had. It was like I realized I didn’t need to be as connected to this thing as I always had been. Sure I still used it a ton—checking the news, weather, podcasts, photos etc, but it was easier and easier as the year went on to slip my phone into do not disturb mode for a few hours at a time and that has been a wonderful discovery. I have my list of favorites set to ring through so if the school calls or my parents or kids of course I’m going to let myself be interrupted but it has been really nice to realize I can not only sign out of social media apps, I can also put myself back in control of notifications and when I am available to check them and interact with folks. This is a practice I’m absolutely going to continue.
The big question I’ve gotten a lot lately is “did you miss it and will you sign back on.” The short answer is “yes, parts of it, and yes to some extent.” Like I said earlier I actually did not miss social media until this summer. I really and truly didn’t. I loved getting to just live life and not worry about how anyone else was spending their weekend or their vacation or holidays. I enjoyed taking pictures of my kids and texting them to a few family members and have that be about it. However, I also am a person who loves connection and loves the give and take of sharing our lives with others, so while I loved the break I don’t know that staying offline forever feels right either. I do think there will be far more seasons where I’ll unplug for a month at a time and stay in the practice of finding a rhythm of being on and off line. I saw so many benefits in terms of my mental health that to just go back to not having any boundaries around these very influential and powerful apps seems unwise. I think keeping the apps off my phone will be huge. If I want to check on something or scroll for a bit forcing myself to go sit at the table and use my computer will hopefully be a good boundary to avoid sinking into the couch at night and loosing an hour when I could have been doing something else I might value more.
Social media is such a tricky thing. It can be a fun part of life. And also I think we’ve all seen ways where it can be harmful, distracting, and even dangerous when the algorithm only feeds you certain voices or when we are constantly pulled away from our real lives in exchange for watching what others are saying or doing. But especially as my kids get older (they absolutely do not have social media and won’t for as long as I can keep them from it!) I want to model for them what it means to find healthy rhythms. It’s something everyone has to wrestle with for themselves, but I guess I’m sitting here today to encourage anyone to think about taking a break at various times of the year. Maybe it’s for the week between Christmas and New Year’s to have a bit of a reset before January, (I shared in this post back in January how that was actually a surprise to me, how much easier it was to go into the New Year feeling gentle with myself instead of getting caught up in the onslaught of “new year new you, declutter everything, set those goals!” mentality that exists on social media from influencers during that week!). Maybe it’s during the 6 weeks of Lent, or during a vacation or trip. Or maybe it’s just when the noise gets too loud and you realize you’re thinking other people’s thoughts more than your own. There are rhythms to everything God created in nature, and when we’re faced with these very human-created tools and technologies I think we might need to be the ones who intentionally create those rhythms of engagement and sabbath. I don’t think anyone will regret it if they do!
