Five on Friday
Happy 250 America! I hope whatever your weekend plans are they involved a body of water and some delicious food! Today’s five things are a reflection on the life of a great man who went to be with Jesus this week, two book recommendations, how I’ve started becoming more confident in the area of finances lately (something that was SUPER intimidating to me for years!), my favorite afternoon snack these days, and the new purchase we made that’s bringing us so much fun on these hot summer nights. Happy reading my friends!
**ONE**
This world lost one of the very best men I have known as one of our dear friends from California, “Papa Bob” went to meet Jesus this past week. For those who don’t know our story, Chuck and I met in seminary in Pasadena, CA and then after we both graduated he took a youth director job at a church in Seattle that was a horrible fit for us, and after 6 months we were job hunting again. We had also just found out we were pregnant with Aidan. We ended up back in Los Angeles at First Presbyterian Church of Granada Hills about 6 weeks before Aidan was born, 2,000 miles away from our families. One of the first couples we met from the church were Bob and Sheila, Sheila was the church finance officer and Bob was her gentle giant of a husband, who had led missions teams and overseen property repairs at the church for years. They were already grandparents and when Aidan was born they immediately adopted him as their honorary grandson. They would come up to us at church and say “bring him over on Friday night, you and Chuck are going on a date” and they wouldn’t take no for an answer! From the time he was a few months old they began watching him just to give me a break or give us a night out. We left California when Aidan was 4 1/2 and for those 4 1/2 years he spent a ton of time at their place “helping” Papa Bob with his garden, taking their dog on walks with them, watching Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse, and exploring Sheila’s kitchen cupboards the way only a toddler can.
When I tell you I would not have survived those first few years of parenthood without Bob and Sheila, I am not exaggerating. We had other incredible older adults step in and help us out often which was amazing, but Bob and Sheila truly took seriously the adopting of our boys (once Asher arrived they loved him just as well). They stepped in to attend Grandparent’s Day at preschool, brought over birthday and Christmas gifts, and every time I needed childcare for an appointment or meeting they were delighted to say yes. I used to think at first that it was Sheila that wanted to babysit and Bob got dragged into it. Until I began watching the absolute sparkle that would appear in Bob’s eye when he saw Aidan. He delighted in this little boy, and that love and affection was returned as my son adored this gentle giant of a man.
After we’d moved to Jacksonville in 2016, Aidan and I returned to Los Angeles a year later to see friends. When you’re a kindergartner and have been gone a year it’s sometimes a little tough to remember who everyone is, even people who had meant a lot to you 12 months earlier. It was a few days of him being a little unsure of who everyone was, warming up and then enjoying himself. Except with Bob. When Aidan saw Bob Koster across the church patio for the first time after being apart for a year he yelled in his little boy voice “PAPA BOB!!!” and launched himself into Bob’s arms with a flying leap. I managed to snap a not very centered photo of the moment and it’s one of my favorite pictures ever, this tall, quiet, gentle man with the biggest grin on his face as he hugs my 5 year old, it just doesn’t get better than this.
I’ve become known a bit for being a champion for intergenerational relationships, especially in the church but in any area of life. It is a hill I am willing to die on as being absolutely essential for all of us. No matter how old or young we are, we all desperately need to be in relationship with people who are in different stages of life. And this isn’t the place where I’m going to get all nerdy and share all the research as to why this is crucial, but believe me I could talk all day about this topic! I’m simply going to close with this. When I was a brand new mom, in the midst of all that comes with that, and thousands of miles from my own parents, I literally would not have made it those first few years without some older folks who had been there before coming alongside me, seeing my struggle, and stepping into the gap. Bob would come up to me at church when he could tell I was so frustrated trying to contain an incredibly hyperactive toddler during a worship service and he’d put his giant hand on my shoulder, lean down and say softly, “Sarah you’re doing just fine. He’s just a little boy. You’re such a good mom to him. Now go sit down and take a break and I’ll take him to the playground.” I could weep right now at the memory of those grace-drenched words being whispered over me as I felt nothing but exhaustion and feelings of failure and frustration that my 3 year old boy wouldn’t behave in church. The world lost one of the best, a man who loved Jesus and quietly loved the people around him for over 80 years. What a gift he was to me, to Chuck, to our boys, and to so so many. Well done, Papa Bob, well done you good and faithful servant.
**TWO**
As another month wraps up, I like looking back over the books I read that month and think about which were my favorites. I read a couple of great books, none that compared to how much I loved The Calamity Club in May, but some excellent reads nonetheless! This month my two favorites were The Conditions of Will by Jessa Hastings and Dolly All the Time by Annabell Monaghan. My friend Sarah had told me she’d really liked The Conditions of Will, and we have similar reading tastes, so even though the cover made me completely unable to tell what this book was about I gave it a shot. Oh my goodness I liked this book so much! The cover doesn’t really give you any hints as to what this one is about, but it’s a family drama that takes place after the death of the father. All 4 adult children return to the South Carolina area for the funeral and reading of the will and old wounds and hurts surface immediately. I really liked the main character, Georgia, and I loved the discussions of faith that were had in this novel.
Dolly All the Time is Annabell Monaghan’s newest release and she is quickly becoming the queen of summer novels, as she’s had one release every year for 4 years now. Many of you may have read her break out debut Nora Goes Off Script which I thought was wonderful, and I’ll be honest, I might like Dolly more! Dolly has returned home to Rhode Island for the summer to help her father with the family business and find ways to navigate some extremely tight finances and repairs in the family home. A chance encounter with uber wealthy Stewart lands her in a spot where if she pretends to be his girlfriend at all the New England summer soirees, he’ll write her a check for the amount her family needs to replace their roof. But soon this fake relationship starts to feel awfully real…I loved Dolly, she was just a delight!
**THREE**
Recently I was talking with a friend of mine about the work it is to manage all the different areas of a home, especially the mental load! One of the things she said was she has absolutely nothing to do with their finances, she has no idea where their money is invested or how much is in there or how much is left on the mortgage, she just knows a paycheck is deposited each month from her husband’s job and she occasionally checks the checking account to make sure she isn’t overspending. I was honest with her that this was me for a long time. I grew up with a dad who did all the family finances (he worked in the world of finance, it was second nature to him!) and when we got married I kind of expected that to be Chuck’s job. I had no idea what various finance terms meant, I had no idea how to track a budget, and quite frankly I never really thought through about why those things were important, I just kind of always thought everything would work itself out (I guess if I buried my head in the sand we would magically have retirement savings? I get that the logic was a bit faulty here!).
We spent years in our marriage just kind of coasting, not really having any good systems in place. I was organized enough to not miss too many bills but it was definitely not an area of life I had any solid plan for, and because of that I realized I had a low level of anxiety in the background whenever it came time to check the bank account or deal with taxes, because I didn’t really know what was going on. Chuck didn’t really either, it’s not like he was on top of it all and I was just ignoring things, we just weren’t great with finances!
About 5 years ago we took Financial Peace University through our church and yes, we learned a bit, but the biggest thing that course gave me was the sense of how important it really was to get back in control of our finances. I slowly started learning, and the more I learned the more empowered I found myself to continue growing in my understanding of investing, saving, budgeting etc. We started using the Every Dollar budgeting app which was a game changer for me. It was so easy track our expenses that way and all of a sudden I felt in control of where our money was going. We had a tax person who helped with our taxes since Chuck was self employed and had his own business, and he set us up with a “wealth management specialist” who helped us consolidate our various retirement accounts from various employers. I went to meet with her armed with a notebook and a ton of what I thought were ridiculous questions. She patiently answered “what’s a ROTH account? What is compound interest? What’s a high yield savings account?” and never once made me feel dumb. And the coolest thing happened. I walked out of her office that day and found I could explain what she said and felt so much more confident. Now, we sit down with her once a year and take a look at how things are going, and I know I have someone I can text or call anytime with questions.
I know every couple has their own division of labor when it comes to who manages what aspects of life. But one of the things that kept haunting me before I started learning and taking an active role in managing our finances is what my dad had said decades ago. He was a life insurance/mutual funds agent and so often when a spouse died he would be called pretty early on after the death to help with the life insurance. He said the number of grieving spouses he sat with who said things like “my partner did all the finances, I have no idea where the money is, how many accounts we have, how to access them, or who to call” was huge. I realized I didn’t want that to be me. And now, it won’t be. Every month I sit down and do a quick entering into a spreadsheet what the balance is on every account we have as well as how much we still owe on the house because the discipline of checking all these every month makes me realize I am in control. I do know where to look, who to call or what kind of situation we’re in. Not that I can control what happens in the future, but the days of burying my head in the sand hoping everything will just be okay are over. And with that knowledge comes a sense of empowerment that feels so good and has brought so much peace to my mind, peace from a stress I didn’t even really know was there until I decided to make a change.
I think finances is something that a lot of women feel intimidated by for so many reasons—it was always dads job so we intuit it’s a “guys” thing, we were told or believed we weren’t great at math so we think we can’t manage learning about investments, so many reasons. And as someone who believed it was a guy’s job and I was terrible at math I am here to say we can learn new things and there’s a peace that comes from getting back in the drivers seat of an area of life we’ve ignored, whether that is finances or anything else we know deep down we are avoiding!
**FOUR**
Even in the summer with our schedules being different than the school year I still find myself driving kids all kinds of places throughout the day, which means I need some quick things I can grab for myself to munch on especially in the afternoons to keep myself from the 3 pm blood sugar crash I can be susceptible to. I love the grab and go deli snack packs that every store now sells a version of, with cheese cubes, nuts, salami or beef stick pieces—they are the perfect size for a quick boost of protein and keep me going while running around. I keep these in the garage refrigerator (mostly to keep my kids from eating them!) next to my assortment of sparkling water cans and can grab a cold drink and quick snack as I head to my car each afternoon. It feels like the perfect combo as I play taxi driver, and having a go to snack already decided on each day eliminates any more decisions I have to make (and goodness knows there are enough each day!) I’d love to hear, what’s your favorite grab and go snack for those busy taxi driving afternoons??
**FIVE**
Amazon Prime Day was last week, and there were a couple of items I had my eye on to see if they’d go on sale. None of these were necessary purchases, but the one fun splurge item I’d been watching this summer to see if it would drop in price was a Ninja Creami Ice Cream Maker. I ended up buying one and oh my gosh it’s so fun! It’s different from other ice cream makers in that you don’t have a big churn with rock salt, it almost looks like a keurig coffee maker in terms of design. I love homemade ice cream, but the problem with churning our own here is that it is so hot in the garage (where I’d set up a churn) that the ice melts insanely fast and it is so much time and work babysitting this thing that I literally never wanted to make any. We gave our ice cream maker away probably 8 years ago and haven’t had one since. The Creami uses a different method of creating ice cream that is much less messy and time intensive!
It comes with these pint sized containers (I bought a couple extra from Walmart because we knew a pint of ice cream wasn’t going to go far with all 4 of us!) that you fill with the ingredients for whatever kind you want to make and then you freeze them for 24 hours. When you’re ready to churn them you insert the pint into the machine, press a button, and it churns it for you in about 2 minutes. From there you can add mix ins like crushed oreos, turn it into a milkshake, or just enjoy the ice cream as is. It is so fun and we’ve really enjoyed the flavors we’ve tried so far! We’ve done a mint chocolate chip, a strawberry, a cookies and cream, and a chocolate peanut butter cup flavor. Frozen in my freezer ready for churning is a chocolate ice cream with some peppermint extract so we will see how that one is. Asher especially loves experimenting with flavors, so he loves that once we get the hang of the base recipes he can create some of his own concoctions (he really wants to add some of my fresh basil leaves into one—I’m not sure which flavor would go best with that…let me know if you have ideas!) Summer is long and hot around here, so having something that we’re all enjoying to make each evening feel like a special treat is kinda fun!
Thanks for reading along again my friend! Have a wonderful holiday weekend and we’ll see you back next week with five more things!
